Respectfully Yours, or Maybe Not

Not sure where this Blog will take me but I am sitting here on Christmas Eve wondering about the word respect. Certainly is it interpreted differently by those who do and those who don't demonstrate respect as it is interpreted differently by those who are or are not respected.

I would like think that the general consensus is that showing respect and treating one another with dignity is a given but, I have learned over my life time that it isn't the norm for most people. Unfortunately, the lack of respect for one another is one of societies rooted problems. The fact that most folks don't start out respecting someone in the beginning of a relationship; business, friendship or significant other. (just for the record I hate the label, "significant other").

In business, employees should demonstrate respect for the positions held by those they work with. I have had many bosses that I didn't respect personally but, I did show respect for the position they held. I may not have agreed with their behavior but they were the one I reported to and therefore I was respectful of that position. I never held back my opinion and the has done me in a few times but I didn't compromise my standards and couldn't be a "yes-woman" without at least depositing my 5 cents first. Yes, 5 cents! For those of you who know me well, you will understand why I am so generous with giving out 5 cents verses the standard 2 cents worth of opinion.

As a friend it seems to be a no brainer that you respect your friends. As I stated before not all folks interpret respect in the same manner. I do like to operate on the premiss that I respect all of my friends. Now, let me add a caveat to that. I do not respect all of my friends with equal weight. For me the weight of my respect is directly related to the degree of intensity and depth of the friendship. Obviously, those of you out there that are my friends know who you are and how much I demonstrate respect to you and to the friendship. I recommend that you all take a moment and think about who are your friends and what level of respect is present within the friendship itself. You may find that you too have various weights of respect for different friends.

The most difficult relationship to understand the reason for a lack of respect is the one between two people who are walking the road to the end together. Now, of course the emotions typically run high in a relationship that has been one of a lifetime commitment. There is much invested in the relationship in so many ways; time, energy, love, exposure, pain, joy... Why all of that doesn't always add up to respecting one another has always been a foreign concept to me. I have been in many love relationships that have resulted in hurt feelings, painful betrayal, or just complete disregard for ones security. I haven't been the one to end most of those past relationships with the exception of the last two. Regardless of the reason for the break up I have always demonstrated respect for the person I once loved enough to have that deep of a commitment to. I may have demonstrated respect by completely severing the tie once held in an effort to prevent the continued deterioration of the relationship. I may have demonstrated respect by gracefully stepping aside and remaining out of the way. I most often demonstrated respect by trying to hold onto the friendship that initially drew me toward the one I committed to. The biggest disrespectful action one can take is through the act of betrayal and for that I am guilty. I should have done the right thing because I do have a incredible amount of respect.

It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious. Give me one good reason why folks can't do a better job demonstrating more respect?

Your Ma'ma - lessons taught and learned

I'm sure everyone has heard the phrase,"if you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything." So, I'm interested to know how many of you follow that advise? I mean unless someone asked that you be critical of themselves it seems like keeping your trap shut if you don't have something nice to say is damn good advice! I like that advice and practice it as often as possible but ufortunately not always. Frustration or the need for validation of my feelings gets in the way. Definitely something I need to work at more. Maybe I should "make" time for that!

It is likely that mother also told you to "treat others as you would like to be treated", yes? Does everyone agree that is good advice? I certainly do, and I attempt to follow that advice as best as I possibly can. I mean after all we are created equal aren't we? or, are we? That is another blog. I digress.

Maybe your mother mentioned some other worldly advice. Did she ever say, "gracefully take what you are given and be grateful for it?" Again, another good tip to consider when choosing your behavior. Does this mean you shouldn't ask for more, or ask for something specific, or just ask for it to be given in a different way? This is one is where I get into trouble.

I can appreciate being told positive things about myself although, I do find it difficult to accept compliments. I can recognize when someone is purposly treating me kindly, respectfully, with dignity, etc. In the ways as they would like to be treated. Now when it comes to accept what you are given and be grateful for it. Now we are getting into muddy waters. That is a bit tough for me sometimes. Think about those other "golden rules" I just mentioned that your mother taugh you.

I find it very difficult to be grateful for those things I'm given when they aren't given for those reasons mother taught. If I'm not getting what I think should be given for the right reasons I tend to have my feelings hurt or I often I just flat out get pissed.

Remember, I don't like to ask for something that I'm not getting. My crazy rational is if I have to ask for it then that ruins the purpose behind the giving. Seems logical to me anyway! I mean if you are giving then there is a reason for doing so. Asking for what is missing doesn't help really. All I think is, ok you are only doing this because I asked you to. I cannot get passed that and am not sure by now my feelings will ever change.

With all that said, do you find it easy to ask for something that may be missing in a family situation, relationship, or friendship without having that nagging feeling about how genuine it will be given now that you have ask for it?

It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Give me one good reason why can't folks just try a little harder to follow Ma'ma's advice?

Go Directly to Jail - or are you an addict

We all, well most of us, have been raised that when you break the law of the land you pay the price for that action. Do the crime and then do the time. Pay your debt to society and we are good, call it even, and move on. Is it that simple? I am not so sure that it is. In fact, I am positive that it isn’t that simple.

I want to focus on one of the most common crimes committed so frequently that I really don’t think anyone could quantify it. Illicit drugs are grown, manufactured, sold, used and abused. Keep the word illicit in mind as we continue though this thought process please.

Why are illicit drugs or licit drugs illicitly used and abused such a huge problem within our American society? Let’s stay on the fact the drugs we are discussing are classified as illegal or illegally used.  I have already blogged about that subject.

Should someone who has been “busted” for possession of an illicit drug be incarcerated? Well, they broke “the law of the land” right? Yeah, they did but what about the reason why they are involved with these drugs to begin with? Is it used for recreation, is it used to mask something more serious, or is it abused because of an addiction? Shouldn’t those considerations be made before imposing a standard sentence to be jailed or imprisoned?

Recreational use is not a reason to incarcerate someone I mean really! Need I explain? Purposeful abuse to numb oneself from some form of pain is not a reason to incarcerate someone! Abuse to provide oneself a fix is not a reason to incarcerate someone! Let me break it down for you to really see what my attempt to make a point really is all about.

Does anyone have any statistics for the bodily harm inflicted of another by a recreational user? Oh, I forget we only keep track of and publicize those statistics from drunken driving accidents. I just can’t get past the hypocrisy of the whole legality of pot verses alcohol but I digress. How about that ever growing group of people who use the illicit drugs to numb their pain? Now don’t forget that their pain may be emotional or physical. Shouldn’t we look at the cause of their pain instead of just one of many symptoms for self medicated? Perhaps if society provided the proper systems and support mechanisms for addressing those who are struggling we would be able to help those individuals. They are unable to cope emotionally with their life or the complications of an illness. Now addicts are the most egregiously offended individuals. These people do not need incarceration for their illegal actions. These people need care and compassion. We as a society should be helping those addicted with their addiction.

Incarceration of any drug abuser is not solving their problem; it isn’t a deterrent to abuse, it doesn’t solve any of the core problems, it encourages continued abuse, it turns addicts into criminals to support their habit, and it is only consuming valuable space needed for those criminals that are violent and a threat to society.

It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Give me one good reason why can't we help those with drug problems instead of incarcerating them?

It's About Time - making it that is

Everyone has the exact same amount of time in the 24 hour day. We all have 1,440 minutes to use during the course of a single day. How we choose to use those minutes is where we each differ greatly. The optimal word here is "choose". Setting your priorities typically will dictate how those precious minutes will be divided up into segments called daily life. How one decides what those priorities are and how they will be set depends on the complicated act of balancing being a part of a family, earning a living, tasks and chores for the day, etc.

It seems that many folks express their concern for the lack of time to "get it all done." Obviously, the problem isn't the lack of time but the decisions one made about how to choose to allocate those finite 1,440 daily minutes.

I always hear the excuse, "I didn't have enough time", "I just had too much on my plate today", "I tried to take time, but…,” etc. For me, something just doesn't ring true with those attempted justifications. How could one not have enough time when the amount of time is always the same? How could you have too much on your plate, did you forget the plate is 1,440 minutes a day? The biggest so called excused that makes me crazy is not being able to take time. Where are these people taking time from? Is there an extra stock pile that I am not aware of?

The value of time is not something too difficult to understand. The supposition of how to utilize your time depends on your choices. What do you want to do with your time? If you choose to have a family then you have already determined that a significant amount of your 1,440 minutes are going to be devoted to them. If you choose to have a certain job/career then you have predetermined a minimum amount of those 1,440 minutes will be dedicated to earning a living. If you have chosen to on a hobby or exercise regimen, again you have concluded that it will consume some portion of those limited 1,440 minutes of each day.

The phrase, “couldn’t take time”, is one that needs to be removed from our English language. People do not take time for anything. People make time for everything.  People choose how to spend 1,440 minutes of every day of their life. Clearly, we have some exceptions to consider and that is when one is incapacitated or unable to make choices on their own. But let’s stick with the typical. One must make time not take time for every choice of every day.

Please don’t take time out of your day for me. I want you to make time for me. I want you to choose to spend time with me, to choose to make time to do something for me, to choose to make time to visit with me, etc. Forcing time isn’t a genuine demonstration of being a true friend. If you can’t make time, don’t take time. It ruins the purpose of time together.

It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Give me one good reason why can't we make time for those things that are important to us?

Diggers - as in Shovel Ready

We (America) took extraordinary steps to abort the almost inevitable "global depression". Well some time has passed and I now look back at one step in particular that still eludes me. Shovel Ready projects. Remember those, or at least remember hearing about those? Has anyone seen one of these projects being completed? I can't say that I have seen anything close to it. Here in Charlotte we were at the back end of the "great recession". All I remember seeing are the booming construction sites around everywhere coming to an instantaneous halt. Oh, maybe those companies and their employees were rushed over to work on those "shovel ready" projects. I checked, nope.
I tried to follow the "user friendly" website of the governments $700 Billion TARP spending but, well, it is the government's attempt to be transparent, so no need to say more. I just wanted to see what all this money was being used for besides bailing out the banks, insurance companies and auto makers. I really would like to see what OUR money did besides fill the bank's pockets. They still aren't loaning it to anyone so what is the money doing? Are they letting it go to seed? Damn, I keep forgetting that money does NOT grow on trees. It's not even paper made from trees, which is a good thing. I digress.
The money is out there somewhere. If anyone knows where it is or if you got any of it please let me know. For me to really understand how much went to "shovel ready" projects I need a breakdown in simple terms provided by our government. That is fair to ask of our bloated bureaucratic bunch, isn't it? It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Give me one good reason why can't we have an easier method of tracking the "investments" we (the tax payer) have made?

Emotions - is it Love or Fear

When you think about the root of all emotions do you agree that they all stem from one of these two, love and fear? The experts say that an emotion is the experience of a state of mind that is interacting with (the internal) biochemical and (the external) environmental influences. They say that emotions can be blended with one another like colors on a color wheel. Blue and yellow make green for example. Both of those ideas are reasonable and I agree with them. I take it a step further. I think that if tested most emotions come from love or fear. I do believe that at times both can be the root for one or more emotions.

Let's put my theory to the test. How about we start with an easy one like joy? Obviously, that stems from the love of something. How about anger? Obviously, that stems from the fear of something. How about these emotions: contempt, guilt, indifference, curiosity, euphoria, awe, despair, pity, surprise, or pride. How does my theory support these emotions? Are they simply rooted in one or the other or could they be a blend of love and fear in different proportions. Think it through. These definitions will help you to see that often the blend is of emotions based on love or fear.

Contempt - the feeling with which a person regards anything considered mean, vile, or worthless; disdain, scorn.

Guilt - the fact or state of having committed an offense, crime, violation, or wrong, especially against moral or penal law; culpability. Indifference - lack of interest or concern.

Curiosity - the desire to learn or know about anything; inquisitiveness.

Euphoria - a feeling of happiness, confidence, or well-being sometimes exaggerated in pathological states such as mania.

Awe - on overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like.

Despair - loss of hope; hopelessness.

Pity - sympathetic or kindly sorrow evoked by the suffering, distress, of misfortune of another, often leading one to give relief or aid to show mercy.

Surprise - to strike of occur to with a sudden feeling of wonder or astonishment as through unexpectedness.

Pride - a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Hate - to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest.

Can you hate someone without fearing them? Let's see how that works. First you have to qualify your hate. Why do you hate someone? Could it be because of fear or because of love? Doesn't it depend on whose perspective you are considering? Why wouldn’t you fear them if you hate them?
It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Come on give me any good reason why all emotions don't root themselves in love and fear?

Deep End - as in depth of thought

Often I have the pleasure of making the time to think, to ponder, to wonder, etc. Most of the time it is in the morning while playing with the dogs, watching and listening to the birds and taking in the beauty that surrounds me.

It is at night when I find it the most luring to dive deeply into my thoughts. My chores are done, it is finally quiet, and I have some time alone; this is when I have my deepest of thoughts. I look at what the world has presented for the day, what I have personally been dealt for the day, and what I have dealt to others for the day.

When I begin my journey into my deepest of thoughts I often am so immersed that I don't have a sense of the time. Eleven O'clock, Midnight, One O'clock...time ticks on and my mind still digs deeper into my thoughts of the current day, experiences of most recent, and memories of the distant past.

When one has made the time to really and intensely think about anything, isn't it refreshing? Do you find that you are most energized when you have made time to think, to wonder, to ponder, etc.? The ideas that come, the memories that you relive, the possibilities you foresee. It is all so relative to one’s own mind. Yet, when you have those thoughts there are others you include in your ideas, memories and possibilities. Do they too, find the same emotions within the same thoughts that you have? It seems so all too often that when I have had a very deep and moving thought, there is someone else in my life that has had the same deep and moving thought. Is is a coincidence? Do you find that the connections with those who share your thoughts are the most in tune to your feelings? It is a very gratifying feeling to have someone close to you think about the same thing you are thinking of.

The key to digging into your deepest thoughts is making the time to do so. Don't take time, make time. There is a great difference between the two. Too many folks don't make time because they feel they don't have the time. Everyone has the same amount of time. Choose how you use it. It is really simple don't you think, when you really think, hard and serious? Give me any good reason why you can't make time for something, someone, and yourself...